Tag: goals

I picked few of the points from the list ‘101 things in 1001 days’ I would like to talk about. Bold and cursive are the once I have never managed to do, but don’t feel the need of keeping them on the new list. Crossed once are those I managed to do in the past decade.

Create a herb first aid kit

This could be as well herb garden, but not only for food but as well for medical reasons. Back in Slovakia I used to go pick up herbs. I loved it. I haven’t done such a thing here in Scotland beside few rare occasions of wild garlic picking. The reason is I don’t have house, I live in a flat where not even kitchen is my own. That means I have no space to dry herbs over few months as I used to do back in my parents house. I would love to be able one day have my own herbs first aid kit as there is so many herbs what can help instead of pills. One day. This goal is staying.

Finnish law degree

Yeah I have done this one. What a torture that was. Thinking today about my own neurodiversity and about back then anxiety I honestly don’t know how I made myself to go through that. Having a knowledge what I have now I was severely stressed and likely even depressed, because law studies was truly the unhappiest time of my life. I didn’t want to quit so I finished my degree, but I have never worked or ever want to work in law field once I done so. I went completely opposite direction since then and finally I am happy.

Buy canon camera and make a lot of photographs (as well without)  

This has been a dream of so many years. Of course I take photos, but I do not own and never owned a proper camera. I am not sure this will leave me ever. This dream is staying.

Go again out to a club and have a lot of fun, dance till the morning and reset

When I was creating this list in 2013 my life felt as the end of it. I was studying serious carrier I was in quite serious although unhappy relationship and it felt as all those young years of fun and dance and such are all gone. I was not ready to give them up yet. Not long after I came here I had my second puberty for a while enjoying the dancing, late returns to home and lot of fun once again. Looking back I needed it, but same time I sure was dealing with some dark stuff. I certainly was not warned what a toll a toxicity can take on self. I am not a party animal anymore, neither I want to be, but the reset after so many stressful years, I sure did need that.

Minimalism at least in one aspect of life

Well okay. I did cross this one as after many year only recently I started digging into minimalism once again. I did Marie Kondo method in the tiny space I live in hoping I get to even more minimalistic life. Slowly but surely. There is still long way to go, but I sure have much less posetions and if I manage to move one day what I have now and even less should be all I own as I struggle having too many things around.

 Learn French

It is not entirely off list for the future, but I am taking it off the list at the moment. Firstly I would like to learn back Spanish as I forgot a lot of it and maybe one day in the future French would be back on the table. I am not passionate much about languages I have to say, never has been, but it is sure good to know few.

Meditate every day

I have crossed this one off even though I don’t sit to meditation every day. I came to believe and realisation that meditation can be every day life and every single action we do. So I am mostly focused on that, be present in what I am doing be content with what ever is happening and if I am not then observe from observer point of view. I believe that is real meditation.

 Go to a pub where they have at least 5 different kinds of beer and try them all

Being in Scotland this is not a hard one specially after 10 years. There sure are places where I have been so many times I did try more than 5 beers in them.

Read the whole Bible

Even though this might look like as a pretty religious goal it has never been. I find bible or Koran or any religious text fascinating. Well I used to find. There is lot of truths written and there sure was time I wanted to understand them. I guess throughout life and experiences I diverted from this view as I found truths within myself and books as Bible stopped being so fascinating to me. Given the fact they might not be really truthfully written even though the truth is still in them. I don’t  feel a need to read a Bible anymore as I believe the life experience is the ultimate teaching.

Run every day

Okay I am not yet on every day mark but I sure run much more than I have ever done before. I am not even sure if every day is a goal as I can see my legs are prone to injuries if I run too much.

Design my room according to FengShui

This is definitely getting off the list as my belief system changed massively. Despite the fact that I believe Feng Shui works, I don’t believe we are meant to manipulate anything in our life to our benefit. If we do it naturally as something what just comes to us in the moment I see that as a destiny as something what needs to happen, but if we consciously are making steps towards it than we are not trusting the universal order of things. This is way more philosophical and spiritual debate to have then compress it into few sentences, but this is just not what I aspire for anymore.

Meet my friends at least once a month

Seeing this one I have realised that I must have been pretty lonely back then. I had almost zero time, there were either studies or family demands or my relationship struggles. There was no time for myself or for my friends, I was progressively more and more isolated, my anxiety and stress going through the roof. I did not know how to talk to my friends about my relationship and I could not see how damaging it was to any of my worth and self-esteem. This one is sort of a sad one, seeing I even had a need to write it down.

Add more to my tattoo on the back

I am taking this off only because I want to change it to something else still related.

Learn to walk in high hills

I kind of have to laugh about this one. Not that I don’t find high hills pretty, I do, but I certainly have no need of wearing them anymore. Thank god. Reading this I can see the massive change I did by growing up into adulthood. Haha.

Camping by the lake with fire

I have done this multiple times in the past years. Again looking back I was doing nothing what I enjoy and everything what I thought I was supposed to and  should. What a waste of precious time and energy. There certainly are things we need to do to live and earn money to pay our bills and such, but beside that we should be doing things what mean something to us, things we want to do and not only doing them, because we were once told we should or are supposed to. I am in the midst of my life and I don’t want to give my energy to things and people what are dragging me down, where I don’t feel joy and love and what are meaningless to me only because someone else consider them being meaningful. It is time to live my life and be myself.

Learn music notes again

I still don’t remember them all but I can play some again. I am not sure I will ever be able to come to playing by the notes the same way as I used to.

Write all bad memories and throw them to the fire

I think I diverted from all this ritualistic nonsense. Don’t get me wrong there are times we might need exactly this as that is only way we can make peace and bring some sort of closure to what was not dealt with before or was not allowed to be expressed. But I have never get around doing so and I don’t feel a need for it anymore either. I did dealt with so many things in the past years to the point of acceptance that they did happen and I can not erase them I felt through them all let all what was needed out about them, that I finally feel more comfortable in my own skin. All the hurt I experienced, hatred and bad experiences from others was released by feeling it all. I don’t need to burn anything anymore.

Create my own cooking book

As older I am getting as less joy I find in cooking. It is a need to do, necessity for our body to function, but I have never really felt any sort of passion in relation to food. I have a little pad with some recipes, where I am planning to be adding more just to have few meals I can rotate over and over :D, but this is just not something I feel passionate about at all.

Go fishing

This used to be an activity I always connected with peacefulness. I still might enjoy it, but I don’t have such a need for it anymore as it is surely more present in my life by doing all sort of different activities what keep my soul calm(er).

Teach someone something

I am crossing this one as in past 10 years I have certainly thought someone something. From making coffee to help them find way how to live more content life. There were jobs with children, there were deep talks and sharing wisdom. As little I recognise I actually did teach a lot someone something.

Go see world singer concert

There was only one in past 10 years, but I surely loved it to the bits. Feeling the energy of the full stadium, laughs and dances. It was an experience never to be forgotten.

Learn detox/natural healing/self-awareness (be a master at least in one)

I have crossed this one out, not because I became a master. I do not think there is possibility to be a master in any of these as it is life long learning, but when comes to self-awareness I have undertook extensive journey into depths of my own core by becoming a professional in this sort of field. Layer by layer uncovering and exposing to myself, feeling and healing. The journey is not finished and I don’t think ever will be, but the last decade was all about self-awareness.

Do exercise of 5 Tibetans every morning

5 Tibetans are great, but I would be happy if I would just do some yoga in the mornings or even 5 Tibetans, but I don’t want to be this specific anymore. Morning exercise in realms of yoga and similar would be good.

Keep doing GTD method and planning every day

I have no idea what this one is anymore. It was related to productivity and organising. I don’t think I am that ambitious anymore, in fact I am trying to get into more ‘go with the flow’ and ‘procrastinate sometimes’ state, because that is where creativity is born.

Try to write for printed magazine/newspaper or something

If I would stay in Slovakia I might be a journalist today. I have left an offer to become a writer for fast growing online portal and one of the most known in Slovakia today when comes to education, when I was leaving for Scotland. I often come back to pondering what my life would of look like if I would take that job and stayed. It could be very different to the one I have now, but maybe I would end up exactly in the same place. I have no regrets. As much my young self wanted to be uncovering truth and help with ‘right’ narrative I am glad I did not get stuck in that way of thinking and am able today see more colours than just black and white.

Be completely healthy

I don’t think this is even an achievable goal so I am taking this off. I was slightly obsessed with health back then, what was coming from my own anxiety. I am glad I don’t have that anymore and if sick, than I am sick, I will heal or I will not. Beside taking care of our diet and exercise I don’t think we have much of a control over this.

Create human rights blog

Coming back to strong justice feeling I used to have. I used to see it being my purpose. Change the world. How wrong I was and how proud I was. The world is exactly as it is meant to be and I just play tiny little part in its perfect. I am not here to save or change anything or anyone, but myself.