Mushroom picking – there is inspiration in simple things

Not long ago I was trying to capture our herbs picking with my family. The same day we went for mushroom picking, which wasnĀ“t that successful šŸ˜€

Yet it was an amazing day outside in the forests very dear to me. I have seen my first deer running through the path at the early morning here, when all I could hear was stamping noise. I learnt here to recognise which mushrooms are good to eat and which ones are better left behind.

As a child I was aware of beauty surrounding me and felt that nature and forests are these magical places where everything is possible and everything is somehow beautiful. ThatĀ“s not what always nature is though. It has its way to teach us often difficult and challenging bits about life and what does it mean to be a human as well.

After years coming back felt as a pathway to past memories which rushed through my head as we walked. Again I wanted to capture this old memory and this present moment which possibly could be source of inspiration for finding beauty in simple things for someone else.

I donĀ“t know about you, but I just love walking through any kind of the forest, especially when it is nice and easy to walk around and ground is covered in fresh grass. That was exactly how morning would welcome us fresh dew on the grass and smell of the forest in the air.

As we entered the forest we were lucky to find a mushroom and it gave us hope for a successful day, but unfortunately few more we found and that was all for that day.

It hasnĀ“t disappointed me though, because I again found some inspiration inside in between those trees.

Small things came my way as fallen bird nest, colourful bug trying to get his way or deer running in the distance. It was a time when I have started recording small bits of these beautiful moments and thinking about the way how could I capture the feeling and the memory I got here. I guess it was the beginning of my video editing journey as a way to be creative yet make sense of the experience as well.

Everything is always happening for its reason, so the fact we havenĀ“t found any mushrooms that day had its purpose as well.

That was a special day spent with my parents, remembering times we used to go there when I was a child. Admiring hard work of ants who tried to steal every small bit of our sandwiches which fell on the ground and creating new memories together to hold on for later when we will be apart once again.

People sometimes ask and wander why would I live so far away. Maybe there will come a time I will feel a need to move closer but so far the fact not being close taught all of us to value even more greatly than before our relationship which is certainly valuable lesson having.

I hope and believe there will come a time that I will be allowed spend maybe more time with them but not losing the life here in order to do so.

Come with me then for this little poetic forest walk which can maybe inspire you as well to find your own inspiration in small things life have to offer.   

The cycle – misunderstood natural process of being human

‘She must be on her period, Ā“ said a man in a suit to his colleague laughing at their boss who just burst in anger about some in their eyes unimportant thing.

Ā“Other woman are just fine and functioning why canĀ“t you?Ā“

Ā“I donĀ“t want to hear about it itĀ“s disgusting.Ā“

Ā“You canĀ“t use your cycle as an excuse for being meanĀ“

IĀ am sorry for maybe uncomfortable topic for some but same time can be aĀ little eye opening and if you are aĀ man you can maybe understand aĀ woman aĀ little bit more.

Have you ever heard any of the statements above? Personaly or throug others I did.

Just few days ago I had very strange experience. Pain would be very common companion every month but what I experienced now was way far more extreme than ever before. I guess the connection to my own woman site and body is reaching its culminating point so with understanding can sometimes come pain as well. I almost called the ambulance when I was just about to faint while making breakfast being unable to stand up, covered in hot sweat, pinpointed to the bed crawling like a hurt animal. My whole body vibrated and only open my eyes was too much, too painful, too overwhelming. Whole world around me was spiralling and I wasnĀ“t sure if it ever ends.

All IĀ could do is accept that my body is going through something difficult yet important. Once IĀ have embraced my state which was aĀ little scary the sensation started easing itself.

Woman cycle is aĀ truly strange but in aĀ way a magical thing as well. IĀ am not an exception in better understanding my own woman site as older IĀ get.

There used to be times when IĀ wished to be rather aĀ man and cycle was one of the reasons.

I have been always very sensitive to it skipped classes at school because of it felt embarrassed when I was one of the first one in my class to experience it.

Such a natural thing which somehow we grow up to hide, feel embarrassed about, find hard to talk about, push ourselves to feel and perform as nothing would be happening every month to our body. We have learnt to take pills to control and change natural patterns as we would think it is our right playing gods.

I donĀ“t blame you there is a huge pressure to be fully functioning as if we wouldnĀ“t be humans.

How could a world run predominantly by mind understand that every woman experiences her cycle differently, some are more sensitive to it than others, that it is unhuman effort to try control moods in this time. How could a mind who doesnĀ“t understand emotions embrace that it is not a sign of weakness but quiet opposite. It is easier to deny the huge impact it has on the body, mind, emotions, performance, mood every single month because it is just not convenient being sensitive and human. It takes time, effort and open mind to understand what is really happening. Unfortunatelly that doesnĀ“t earn any money or perform well on annual progress presentations.

Cycle taught me aĀ lot about myself. Every month IĀ can see aĀ pattern appearing. Just before Ā“the cleaning processĀ“ my moods change sometimes rapidly. There is nothing IĀ can do about it as IĀ believe you out there either. All we can do is embrace the fact that we are emotional, nervous even mean sometimes and giving people around us aĀ little hard time.

IĀ hear you it is not easy to deal with us but trust me it is not easy to be us in the time either.

Often I would feel to be a different person. My moods lower down, for about a week before,I would prefer quiet environment, no people and withdraw. It is not always possible though in such sped up lives we live sometimes in structure where society is build the way where are no breaks or acknowledgments of womanā€™s monthly cycle.

I am starting to understand better what could of been society before patriarchy when woman was a centre of society connected to very raw source of our humanness ā€“ emotions, nature cycles, body, all we are made of and from.

We donĀ“t live in that world anymore because from body and our heart we moved into our heads. We disconnected from our bodies so much, that sometimes we canĀ“t even spot our own emotions, we became unaware how much they drive our behaviour and thought patterns. In this sense woman are very lucky, because cycle is bringing us back, is teaching us to connect with ourselves to be aware of the pattern to listen what our body needs and is telling us.

It is such aĀ creative process as well. According to my cycle IĀ see the patter of creativity emerging. All the senses heighten just before sometimes in such an overwhelming way that bearing noise is difficult, emotions of other people, my own emotions which reach extreme points.

I am not able to be creative in this time.

Everything feels pointless what the body needs here is quiet going inside rather to the outside world, reflect because something is ending and needs to be processed and let go for another new beginning. Ā Just after everything calms down I feel renewed as the body is renewed once again. My creativity emerges, my mood is cheerer, ideas emerge, I have much more energy.

New cycle has started and the process of born and death in symbolic way is starting once again.

As a little child full of energy I enter first days, so excited about everything every single experience and as I grow Ā“olderĀ“ throughout the process I calm down and go into slower retrospective state as the cycle is reaching its end just before the period comes the same way as one is reaching end of their life. Month passed and death and new beginning will be experienced once again.

Understanding this process helped me to connect natural processes in life. Everything is changing all the time, nothing stays still or forever, what is born needs to die one day, itā€™s a natural process we forgot in technological by mind run world.

I feel connected to my woman site today as never before. Through all the pain, misunderstanding, blame, judgment of such natural process we experience every month I finally came to understand how powerful and necessary this all is.

All we need is a support, acceptance and respect that we bear this to show you what one part of human nature is truly about šŸ™‚

I am a Shadow Artist

Do you feel dried of creative energy as me lately? Luckyly I found interstening book ArtistĀ“s way from Julia Cameron and hanks to advices inside of the book my lost creativity appeared again and now I paint and draw over nights and play guitar almost daily.

We live in very strange society where is success marked through look, money, fame, property and other touchable things. Unfortunately there is very few who raise their children and mark success through happiness, feeling of fulfilment and so. IĀ am one of those who were raised in society where good life is marked through first group of achievements. Logically support to be an artist has never happened. Unfortunately many artists will never receive critical early encouragement because people and society around them doesnĀ“t support this kind of interest. It is not because they would be mean it is because they were raised very same way and mean good for us to have a Ā“good lifeĀ“ forgetting that good life means to do what makes us happy.

Even if we were told Ā“try it and see what happensĀ“ without support more to the point young artists very often give up their dreams and settling to the world of could-have-beens and regrets. There Ā caught between the dream of action and the fear of failure, shadow artists are born.

Very often shadow artists who might even have successful life with amazing careers surround themselves by other artists work or even find partners who they support in their artistic career to fulfil their own creative need and dream. Shadow artists are just blocked artists who didnĀ“t allowed to themselves to be what they feel to be.

Very often shadow artists have luck of enough confidence and donĀ“t even take themselves seriously. Every artist needs nurturing and support. Creativity is play, but for shadow artists, learning to allow themselves to play is hard work. They might show their first pictures to judgmental friends or family who even more discourage them. It is some kind of self-masochism. Ā For all shadow artists, life may be aĀ disconnected experience, filled with aĀ sense of missed purpose and unfilled promise.

IĀ am shadow artist asĀ well. Once as aĀ child told that IĀ canĀ“t draw IĀ abandoned this skill for many years although art and music are two things IĀ admire the most. IĀ remember as aĀ child IĀ admired street artists drawing portraits or selling their beautiful pictures of buildings or nature. ItĀ“s been not long since IĀ have started drawing and painting and IĀ am still learning but IĀ am very happy IĀ have managed came back to this abandoned dream from my childhood. Better later then never and who know maybe IĀ will be able over step my shadow one day.

EdinburghĀ“s true colours

There are many amazing places around the globe and I ended up in Edinburgh. Yes city is historical and beautiful but sometimes I wonder if amount of rain and wind and darkness donĀ“t beat this beautifulness. There is something about this place what is not easy to name it but is definitely special. Nowhere else IĀ have ever lived or spent some time IĀ have felt so shifted emotions as here. This is place of my highest and happiest self as darkest and lowest as well.

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