Solo Hiking 109km Borders Abbeys Way in Scotland

Another stage of long distance hike 109km Abbeys Way in Scottish Borders is done! This was one of those times when I really needed to go outdoors, but same time did not feel like going anywhere.

Usually I really enjoy recording, it helps me see the world around in different ways and process the experience afterwards, which is one of the reasons I actually really enjoy video creating. But this time I just really did not feel like doing so.

All have changed and turned around after first day, when I actually pushed myself going. One step at a time. Beautiful views, immersive environment and healing power of nature were absolutely present on this journey.

Feeling grounded in Scotland deepening lost connection

Visits to an old homeland are slowly turning from challenging experience, where I see slipping myself into old patterns, into opportunities to observe the person I have become and am still becoming.

Recently I have attended reunion from my high school after almost 20 years. We are supposed to have such reunion in 2 years and this was meant to be deciding how to make it happen, which I don’t think we got to actually plan, but that’s besides the point.

I haven’t seen some of the people for twenty long years. We all grew, aged, went through life experiences. We all changed in some ways and stayed the same in the others. It was an overwhelming yet joyful experience. I loved most of my high school years and I loved people who were part of it, despite our differences or disagreements. But I am not the same person I once used to be. Or maybe I appear to be on the outside how I behave, yet the inner me feels completely different and I wander how many of us experienced such throughout the evening.

One of my classmates asked me if I am looking forward to return to Scotland. I paused for a second. Yes, I definitely do, my life is here, this is my home now. I answered strangely even to myself, that I feel rooted or grounded here in Scotland.

What does it even mean?

I have had my ups and downs with this country, similarly as I have my ups and downs with Slovakia, but the truth is I feel connected to this land. I don’t know why and I find it strange at times, but that is the truth I feel in my heart. I am still not in the place I feel I am supposed to be, but spirit or call it what you will of this country brought me here, somewhat randomly.

It has never been my true intention to come here, yet since I was 18, looking back I see the path always leading here, no matter what direction I would take.

After a decade living here different struggles came to the surface.

I am realising I am and always will be in between two places, having two homes, one which shaped me and another one which helps me to become who I truly am. That is the root and connection I strongly feel here. When plane descends in Edinburgh and I see hills, the sea or bridges from the window, I feel immediate peace and calmness spreading through my body. I am still not sure what is the reason for me to be here, but I know this is the place helping me to figure it out.

Here I reconnected with nature on a level I don’t think I have ever experienced before.

I had moments in Slovakia, where I felt home in the hills and forests on countless trips I have experienced with my family, friends or throughout the school, but I don’t think I would be able to understand this deep connection if I wouldn’t come here. I am starting to recognise, that the deep connection I have with not only Scotland, but as well with my  birth country is forming miles away from it.

Life in the small town in Scottish countryside, is helping me to connect the dots, the places, all the experiences I went through into unique map of ones life, my life.

I surely loved the time spent in Edinburgh, but high cost of living, constant noise and business were my main struggles of past 5 years which prevented me to dig a bit deeper. Prevented me to reconnect with the part of myself which in bursts of energy was trying to speak while I was growing up and visited nature, when pandemic hit and now when I moved out of Edinburgh.

It is an authentic part of what does it mean to be woman or a man connected to this part of themselves. Our connection to the earth and nature. It is ancient vaguely remembered memory of our ancestors, wise intuitive women who were persecuted for the awareness of such connection. Awareness every woman possibly feels deep inside on conscious or subconscious level. Journey some of us feel pull towards very strongly, because society built on current values is disconnecting us all from ourselves – the nature we are.

I feel as by moving out of Edinburgh I have started a chapter of my life, where I can explore this connection deeper. Something I tried in past few years, but practicalities of life, constant rush and need earn living (which is still a struggle, but in different ways) were standing in the way of true deep connection found in solitude, in nature.

Ordinary moments by Edinburgh canal

There are times when I feel as Edinburgh is not my place. I have this fantasy of living in mountains, having small cottage and garden, dog, cats and a duck and maybe even a horse and a cow. I am not a city girl not even a town girl. I left village because there were many things I did not like at a time and I just needed to see the world, expand my horizons. I guess that is quite a common drive of young people and I will never regret I took the leap of faith and just went to see the world.

England. Spain. Czech Republic. Scotland.

Places I lived in and many more where I just visited. But as older I get as less I desire to expand horizons by living in busy places, but rather my attention is drawn to more basic and natural connections.

Edinburgh became my home, but it has been sort of love and hate relationship between us.

It is still a city, loud and much bigger what I have ever been used to. I do not know how to live permanently in a flat and I miss having nature at the door steps.

But there are moments as today when I feel the beauty of the place what Edinburgh certainly has.

Walking by the canal my thoughts just run to a lot of different places. There is a little house for sale just in front of the park and canal. That could be quite nice place to live in even in the city, having green just in front of you. As I walked and fantasised about living in the corner house by the canal I’ve seen in the distance young guy practising some tricks on his bike. There was quite a lot of people around, but no one really paid him attention.

Being the person I am I found this moment fascinating.

I love people doing their stuff, whatever it is, as more creative they are as more I feel emersed in the present moment. I smile, thinking how cool is this, just walking at evening in Edinburgh seeing this young man creating a memory of Edinburgh for me. As if universe listened to my thoughts and wanted to give me another piece of ‘ordinary’ Edinburgh, jut few meters after there was someone else sitting on the bench practicing electric guitar.

The moment became just pure perfection. Two unrelated souls just doing what their heart desired.

I hear music of the cities sometimes.

This was not music in my ears but it was the connection and creation of the city with its people. It is truly hard to put into words, but moments like this one make me connected even to the cities, even if I feel as not belonging in them.

Magical scottish bike

There was a time when I was poor and broke.

Every day life became difficult I had to be mindful about my spendings I had to walk to work 45minutes instead of getting a bus, just to safe not even two pounds.

This period brought some other things into my life. I had to become even more flexible then ever before and so I have started doing deliveries on my bike. Bike what was standing in the hallway for good few years without me using it much. Me who haven’t been doing much of exercise than walking 45min to and 45min back from work.

And so I have started doing deliveries.

The first ones took me forever. If there was a hill it was way too long, but no one has ever complained. I guess they felt sorry for me. My bike became my best friend as without it I would not be able to have some additional income. It saved me. Patiently waiting for me to pick it up from the realm of forgetfulness of its existence. I thought of selling it so many times, but something inside me always said ‘wait you might need it one day’.

And so I waited.

We rode the roads of Edinburgh together, learnt to ride with big buses and cars on the road. I became so fit that I was riding bike absolutely everywhere, felt the freedom wen speeding down the hills of Edinburgh and satisfaction when reaching the tops of the uphill streets.

Until one day I arrived home from yet another delivering trip hoped off the bike and suddenly gear with chain just dropped on the floor.

I knew this was beyond my capabilities to repair it. Just about that time I changed my job and I was not in immediate need of money. I always felt as if the bike has waited until I am okay and secure. I was mesmerized by the fact that the gear fell not on the bumpy road when I was speeding down the hill and what would cause me severe injury if not worse but exactly in the moment when I got off the bike. I had tears in my eyes how grateful I was this little unalive fella ‘waited’ until I am sound and safe back home. I felt obligated to at least try to reappear it and so I took it into the bike shop. Seeing surprise in guys faces operating the shop how I survived riding such bike I knew this was the end of our journey together. Getting it fixed would cost me way too much money what I was not able to pay.

I took the purple friend into the downstair bike cupboard where he sat for another year.

Broken.

I just was not ready to give him up.

He saved my life. He was with me throughout the most difficult time when comes to financial situation. Until the right time came.

I woke up one morning and walked with bike by my site to the bike station where I donated it for repair or parts purposes. It still can be useful for someone and it still can make a difference in someone elses life as it did in mine.

I cried when I left the shop.

I felt so silly.

Why am I crying after a thing what is not even alive?

It saved me when I was in my worse and without it I would never make it to the other side.

It was there patiently waiting until time came and I needed to figure out how to earn some extra money.

And It waited until I was not riding it to actually break that I am left uninjured and okay.

Despite more likely possible coincidence these all events happened I will remember my first Scottish bike to be more special than just a thing used for moving from one point to another. For me it was somewhat magical keeping me safe and helping me in my darkest times. It thought me there is always a way even if hard and uncomfortable, but there is always a way.

I will always remember you my little purple wheel friend.

What is autumn like in Scotland?

It was sunny outside, but as soon I stepped out I knew something is different. The air was cold and had this smell which can only mean one thing.

Autumn is here.

Season which covers land in colourful blanket. Fall as they call it in English. Time when we start getting ready for winter. Summer is gone, but not quite just yet. Last bits of sunshine warm soft light early sunsets. Everything is telling me that inevitable is coming.

Winter.

This is time to enjoy and take in all what is left from warmth and light.

Autumn brought me back to life. With all news and restrictions, I felt somewhat drained and influenced more than I would like to be.

Tired.

I forced myself one day to get to see a sunset here in Edinburgh from the hill Arthur Seat. That was a day everything has changed and finally energies started moving different directions.

I threw my jacket and backpack into the grass set the tripod and filmed the sunset. Suddenly I saw inspiration again I felt as energy is moving inside my body and inspiration is rushing into my mind, into my heart.

Still tired I knew that this is turning point. As I watched the sun fall behind the Calton Hill I just wanted to stay in this moment forever.

Yet I packed all again and made my way towards trees where I left my bike waiting quietly for my arrival. Suddenly my heart skipped and I stopped in silent awww. Large ginger creature crossed my path in most gentle way as the animal can do.

´Fox, ´ crossed my mind.

In split second she was gone in the trees where my bike was waiting. I smiled and stood there for a little while longer.

Was it just a dream or did it just happen?

Many years ago when I moved to Edinburgh I used to see foxes for about a year or two. I didn´t understand it back then, thinking it is just many of them here. Which is true as well, but it was as well time when I changed everything, when I let inspiration lead me where I am supposed to go. It was a time, when I fell in love, when I understood more about life than ever before, when I heard my inner calling the loudest. Time when everything shifted.

That time is here again.

I am finding my inspiration, the feeling that this is it I just need to keep going and find the way how to take this inspiration out there. The fox was always a sign of something changing and new exiting beginnings lieng ahead, even though accompanied with possible pain of letting go of old.

I guess that is exactly time I am entering just now and am more curious then ever what does it have in its cards this time.

That was my beginning of the autumn this year. Shift from sadness to inspiration and excitement. After the day I met the fox and watched the sunset colours started appearing in the trees, leafs would dance in the wind and I would see ideas and inspiration absolutely everywhere. I went to explore the old forest were I would just experience these magical moments of connection with nature. I haven´t explored it all yet. It is going to be even more colourful now.

Come to experience autumn in Scotland with me.

Mushroom picking – there is inspiration in simple things

Not long ago I was trying to capture our herbs picking with my family. The same day we went for mushroom picking, which wasn´t that successful :D

Yet it was an amazing day outside in the forests very dear to me. I have seen my first deer running through the path at the early morning here, when all I could hear was stamping noise. I learnt here to recognise which mushrooms are good to eat and which ones are better left behind.

As a child I was aware of beauty surrounding me and felt that nature and forests are these magical places where everything is possible and everything is somehow beautiful. That´s not what always nature is though. It has its way to teach us often difficult and challenging bits about life and what does it mean to be a human as well.

After years coming back felt as a pathway to past memories which rushed through my head as we walked. Again I wanted to capture this old memory and this present moment which possibly could be source of inspiration for finding beauty in simple things for someone else.

I don´t know about you, but I just love walking through any kind of the forest, especially when it is nice and easy to walk around and ground is covered in fresh grass. That was exactly how morning would welcome us fresh dew on the grass and smell of the forest in the air.

As we entered the forest we were lucky to find a mushroom and it gave us hope for a successful day, but unfortunately few more we found and that was all for that day.

It hasn´t disappointed me though, because I again found some inspiration inside in between those trees.

Small things came my way as fallen bird nest, colourful bug trying to get his way or deer running in the distance. It was a time when I have started recording small bits of these beautiful moments and thinking about the way how could I capture the feeling and the memory I got here. I guess it was the beginning of my video editing journey as a way to be creative yet make sense of the experience as well.

Everything is always happening for its reason, so the fact we haven´t found any mushrooms that day had its purpose as well.

That was a special day spent with my parents, remembering times we used to go there when I was a child. Admiring hard work of ants who tried to steal every small bit of our sandwiches which fell on the ground and creating new memories together to hold on for later when we will be apart once again.

People sometimes ask and wander why would I live so far away. Maybe there will come a time I will feel a need to move closer but so far the fact not being close taught all of us to value even more greatly than before our relationship which is certainly valuable lesson having.

I hope and believe there will come a time that I will be allowed spend maybe more time with them but not losing the life here in order to do so.

Come with me then for this little poetic forest walk which can maybe inspire you as well to find your own inspiration in small things life have to offer.   

The cycle – misunderstood natural process of being human

‘She must be on her period, ´ said a man in a suit to his colleague laughing at their boss who just burst in anger about some in their eyes unimportant thing.

´Other woman are just fine and functioning why can´t you?´

´I don´t want to hear about it it´s disgusting.´

´You can´t use your cycle as an excuse for being mean´

I am sorry for maybe uncomfortable topic for some but same time can be a little eye opening and if you are a man you can maybe understand a woman a little bit more.

Have you ever heard any of the statements above? Personaly or throug others I did.

Just few days ago I had very strange experience. Pain would be very common companion every month but what I experienced now was way far more extreme than ever before. I guess the connection to my own woman site and body is reaching its culminating point so with understanding can sometimes come pain as well. I almost called the ambulance when I was just about to faint while making breakfast being unable to stand up, covered in hot sweat, pinpointed to the bed crawling like a hurt animal. My whole body vibrated and only open my eyes was too much, too painful, too overwhelming. Whole world around me was spiralling and I wasn´t sure if it ever ends.

All I could do is accept that my body is going through something difficult yet important. Once I have embraced my state which was a little scary the sensation started easing itself.

Woman cycle is a truly strange but in a way a magical thing as well. I am not an exception in better understanding my own woman site as older I get.

There used to be times when I wished to be rather a man and cycle was one of the reasons.

I have been always very sensitive to it skipped classes at school because of it felt embarrassed when I was one of the first one in my class to experience it.

Such a natural thing which somehow we grow up to hide, feel embarrassed about, find hard to talk about, push ourselves to feel and perform as nothing would be happening every month to our body. We have learnt to take pills to control and change natural patterns as we would think it is our right playing gods.

I don´t blame you there is a huge pressure to be fully functioning as if we wouldn´t be humans.

How could a world run predominantly by mind understand that every woman experiences her cycle differently, some are more sensitive to it than others, that it is unhuman effort to try control moods in this time. How could a mind who doesn´t understand emotions embrace that it is not a sign of weakness but quiet opposite. It is easier to deny the huge impact it has on the body, mind, emotions, performance, mood every single month because it is just not convenient being sensitive and human. It takes time, effort and open mind to understand what is really happening. Unfortunatelly that doesn´t earn any money or perform well on annual progress presentations.

Cycle taught me a lot about myself. Every month I can see a pattern appearing. Just before ´the cleaning process´ my moods change sometimes rapidly. There is nothing I can do about it as I believe you out there either. All we can do is embrace the fact that we are emotional, nervous even mean sometimes and giving people around us a little hard time.

I hear you it is not easy to deal with us but trust me it is not easy to be us in the time either.

Often I would feel to be a different person. My moods lower down, for about a week before,I would prefer quiet environment, no people and withdraw. It is not always possible though in such sped up lives we live sometimes in structure where society is build the way where are no breaks or acknowledgments of woman’s monthly cycle.

I am starting to understand better what could of been society before patriarchy when woman was a centre of society connected to very raw source of our humanness – emotions, nature cycles, body, all we are made of and from.

We don´t live in that world anymore because from body and our heart we moved into our heads. We disconnected from our bodies so much, that sometimes we can´t even spot our own emotions, we became unaware how much they drive our behaviour and thought patterns. In this sense woman are very lucky, because cycle is bringing us back, is teaching us to connect with ourselves to be aware of the pattern to listen what our body needs and is telling us.

It is such a creative process as well. According to my cycle I see the patter of creativity emerging. All the senses heighten just before sometimes in such an overwhelming way that bearing noise is difficult, emotions of other people, my own emotions which reach extreme points.

I am not able to be creative in this time.

Everything feels pointless what the body needs here is quiet going inside rather to the outside world, reflect because something is ending and needs to be processed and let go for another new beginning.  Just after everything calms down I feel renewed as the body is renewed once again. My creativity emerges, my mood is cheerer, ideas emerge, I have much more energy.

New cycle has started and the process of born and death in symbolic way is starting once again.

As a little child full of energy I enter first days, so excited about everything every single experience and as I grow ´older´ throughout the process I calm down and go into slower retrospective state as the cycle is reaching its end just before the period comes the same way as one is reaching end of their life. Month passed and death and new beginning will be experienced once again.

Understanding this process helped me to connect natural processes in life. Everything is changing all the time, nothing stays still or forever, what is born needs to die one day, it’s a natural process we forgot in technological by mind run world.

I feel connected to my woman site today as never before. Through all the pain, misunderstanding, blame, judgment of such natural process we experience every month I finally came to understand how powerful and necessary this all is.

All we need is a support, acceptance and respect that we bear this to show you what one part of human nature is truly about :)

What is it I am complaining about?

Living in the city can be a bit of a challenge sometimes. Maybe it is not even the city as our (my) lucking ability to switch off. I am certainly a person who is way too sensitive which makes me get easily overwhelmed and guard myself a little more, prone to withdraw. Maybe that is exactly the reason why I tend to seek quiet away from everyone and everything sometimes.

Do you know that feeling?

Everything seems to be too noisy too much too many choices too many people. In a way I do love both noise-quiet light-dark city-village…one reminds me how lucky I am to have the other. Yet I am growing to be old for city life. Maybe I just need a break maybe I am getting ready for a different phase of my life.

More and more I long for long deserted forest walks for exploring quiet forgotten places.

I need to be careful though because one big lesson of my life is being happy with what I have and don´t get lost in dreams about possibilities which are not ´just now´. Little daydreaming though is okay sometimes so I guess today I can give myself permission :D.

I do feel a bit guilty in this very moment while I am writing this as if I would be abandoning Edinburgh a city which gave me so much and taught me to be who I am.

I am slipping lately into memory realms about times I have experienced before, times which feel to be as a different life what I am glad is behind me. Yet all those good or bad experiences I had nice and little less nice people I met brought me exactly where I am today and made me who I am today and I will be forever thankful for that to all of them.

I guess lately I have been longing for ´work´ of my ancestors which is truly strange feeling. I do come from a family which has long history of connection with nature and people. There always has been somehow creative vibe but as well very technical and logical approach. I guess I am trying to find my own place once again as many times before and noise of the city is not always helping. Yet we can only work with what we´ve got and Edinburgh is still far away from very noisy and huge cities. It is very green city too with so many bits of nature which one can explore.

So what exactly is it I am complaining about? :D

I guess I am not alone wishing to experience a life where I get out of the house and am on the edge of the forest. Life where I can run through the meadows whenever I please and smell all the flowers. But as well life filled with not always easy every day work yet somehow meaningful connected to very source of ourselves, to nature.

Maybe one day.

Slowly I am implementing small bits into the life where I am just now. I get to go to the forest, pick up some berries or mushrooms, bake muffins (such a discovery :D), listen to people, play with kids, enjoy time with friends and some new people coming into my life…

For now, I have a privilege to explore at least nature in and around the city. Maybe in some time I get to go farther to the mountains once again and do my so long planned hiking trips. I guess past months were for many of us quite reflecting ones. I am greatful to be healthy have a roof above my head work for others find some time to be creative. It can be struggle sometimes because of the demands of the outside world finances which seem to always avoid me for a very good reason (that is certainly for another story).

Do you have these moments where you are same time grateful for what you have yet that never happy voice becomes a little louder?

Maybe you understand and maybe not…Either way it´s okay… Today has been a little philosophical….

Is there something you are thankful for right now where you are at? Or the wander how life could be different is lauder these days?

Fairy Hunt

When I moved here what I was most taken by were stories about mythical creatures and fairies srill fairly lalive among the people. They are very proud for this heritage which I find fascinating and somewhat similar to my own culture where many fairy tales about mythical creatures still live among the people. Maybe not in such extend as here yet I remember stories to be told as a child or attending events and festivities closely connected with old traditions.

With all this mythical knowledge once you see the beautiful nature here or wherever else there you can let your imagination go and meet fairy behind the trees.

I have few stories of my own while frowing up. There used to be a tree close to my parent’s field. I spent hours talking to it and back then I believed it is talking back to me. Sounds crazy right? Yet I don´t think it was that crazy at all, because as much I learnt there are different parts of our personalities and probably this one was one of them projected by my ´child me´ into a tree. I gave her even a name – Agatha. It certainly was my good wise fairy always providing comfort and good advice.

My mum taught me hug trees when I was little, because they carry beautiful energy from the source. Every time we would go to the forest she would hug trees I would follow until I entered ´cool´ age and found that to be somewhat crazy. I am realizing just now how much these small rituals meant and how they created my strong connection to life, nature and everything alive.

Walking through a beautiful forest thinking that there are tiny creatures protecting its beauty gives me joy and reassurance that not all is lost yet that nature will always find a way. Little painting I did here inspired by nature was very free flow illustration of possible worries and yet freedom of the fairies. It´s more of a study then final piece yet I enjoyed every second of the painting. Come with me for a little fairy hunt today.

Do you have any fairy stories of your own? I would be happy to hear :)

Scotland – artists inspiration

Sometimes we happen to be in place we haven´t maybe even indented to be. Once a friend told me that Edinburgh or even Scotland is calling its people. I have heard so many stories of people who happened to come to Edinburgh not knowing why they came just they felt that´s the place they need to go to.

I haven´t really intended coming here it was more of an only option back then and I would probably choose completely different destination, but life made it the way that I appeared here. Slowly I have started to understand that this is a place where I am going to be for quite some time and that it will mean a lot to me.

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I often wondered why Edinburgh, why Scotland as either was a place I would ever see myself belonging. Yet it happened to be right place for my upcoming path which grew tall in my heart and became my second home. I even learned that I must have lived here before (if you believe in past lives). It feels as I have already lived a lifetime looking back to over a decade of my adult life. So many experiences and so many things shaped who I am today.

Here I found sanctuary, safe place to find my true calling but as well a lot of pain and heartbreak. Here I experienced the wildest emotional shifts to face almost every single bit of my personality bits I didn’t want to face or would of like. That is part of the journey though isn´t it? Without everything we experience we wouldn´t be who we are today.

It took me years to find confidence and understand that art is the only path I can take, only title I am comfortable with and only thing I would truly like to keep throughout my life. I can do and probably will do many other jobs but even if it´s meant to be for sake of taking out things which inspired me and they won´t go nowhere else than on this blog that is enough and I feel as I followed that inner calling.

Today I am on artistic journey.

The place where I live is full of inspiration which I just would love to take in and out for others to enjoy. In reality every place is full of inspiration and as long I can remember I could always see it everywhere. I still don´t always know how to take it out but that´s the beauty of the process.

I live in the city yet I am mostly inspired by nature. There is no option for me at the moment to live anywhere else or closer to the nature where I hear my true calling, so rather than soak myself in the pity of it, I have decided to take inspiration from where I am at. By slow baby steps I am getting closer.

Apart of painting and drawing I have started creating videos about my inspiration not only for art but to live creative life because I believe we all are artists in some way we just need to allow ourselves to see it within us.

It is only a beginning of things which inspire me here in Scotland but I tried to grasp a tiny bit. I am still learning to really understand video making and the technology I have doesn´t allow me to truly make it the way I´d like it to be, but baby steps.

Let me bring you small part of the beauty I see and was blessed to enjoy.