Artistic Soul

The roles we play

To do whatever is required of you in any situation without it becoming a role that you identify with is an essential lesson in the art of living that each one of us is here to learn.

– Echart Tolle

I guess on of the reasons I have an artist block is exactly this. One of the reasons I find difficult to be a counsellor is exactly this. It is difficult to not identify with a role. I see myself as an artist in very different way as is usually considered to be. I create art, because there are feelings and emotions sometimes so overwhelming that I have to get them out as I would go crazy otherwise. I think in creation, I see colours and sunsets and buildings and shapes and patterns and I think how can I immerse myself in it, how can I become it. I tried practice and schedule my art, I tried to become better in technique and ‘think’ about the art I am creating, but if I do that it just never works. As a counsellor I tried to structure my counselling, I tried to think about what are the next possible steps for my clients to take, I tried to think of best possible plan, but that never works. My best creation and arty stuff was when I stopped thinking, when I became the picture I was creating, when I stopped doing and just was. Something created thorugh me.

My best sessions with clients and times when something changed was when I actually had no idea what we are doing and just let it happen. I just maintained the simple rules of safety and just let it happen. I found it difficult then to explain what is going on in the sessions, but I knew they worked even if it did not seam like at the start. As if something talked through me and delivered to the person whatever it was they were meant to hear.

I am coming to conclusion that we are not meant to do, we are just meant to be. I am not an artist. I am not a counsellor. I just am and that’s all and enough. Yet I find it very hard, because we do not live in world and society where this is accepted. As a counsellor I have to have a process and reason for things I do, but sometimes I just do them, because they just feel right in the moment. As an artist I am meant to practice and become better, capture whatever I am capturing. But sometimes I have no idea how and why I choose the colours, the subject or the scene.

Or are these just a constructs of our own mind?

I always saw art as the freest thing. Place where one can channel everything and no one cares how it looks. Andy Warhol once said that

‘You just create art and let people decide what they think of it, you just create.’

I love this perspective. It is stripped of all the judgment from one self, of need for success, need to be recognised, need to stand out. You just create, you just are and let it come through you. Yet all these people had a tough lives, they even haven’t been the nicest people or handled all the most correct way. But they were creators, they were innovators and they just were what ever that meant.

I am scared to be this person. There is so much risk involved, yet if I am not that then who am I?

My entire life has been balancing in between who I want to be and who I should be. Many would say it is because of my upbringing, because of the believes I have adopted in this physical form and they would be mostly correct, but what if it doesn’t matter? What if whatever life I am meant to live just has to be lived? What if I can just get a ride along and see the experience?

Sometimes I wonder how we are so aspiring for own freedom and independence, but yet we are trapped in our own world of criticism and shoulds and believes what are far away from any real freedom. We judge and think how others should be and should live their lives. We even adopt these roles and personas where we have to maintain certain standards to be us. It seams to be such an illusion of what is really reality.

Sometimes I just want to run and escape. I just want to live far away from everyone and everything. There were times I wanted to die and leave this earth.

I feel as I am on the edge of not adapting the role anymore and just be, yet I always become ‘something’ and then I leave it and run away to next thing just to be able not identify with whatever the role is. So I never really get anywhere, I don’t achieve anything and I am starting to think, that it is exactly what is needed.

I just want to be.

Struggles of an Artist – it has been a Year

Observing the world, being an artist. I guess that is what I always felt to be, yet I find it so difficult in our nowadays world. Was it always this way, did the artists of past struggle similar way? Not to have time to do art, just be and observe? Never ending loop of bills to be paid, responsibilities and people to be attended, moving constantly somewhere learn and do more. If only about art I wouldn’t mind but it is almost everywhere I go. In every job I do, do more, learn more, take more.

I truly struggle balance it.

Maybe it is me, as I have decided to go 2 paths not only one. I want to be an artist but as well a counsellor. Can I be both? What about the rest of the jobs I do to pay bills. Than come people into my life snatching my time. Maybe when I finish the course finally, but then I need to set my practice and again more work to do.

Sometimes I wish for day to have 48 hours and for me to have endless energy, because sometimes I am just tired. Tired to do anything, just watch a tv and rest. Should I pick up a brush in these times? Force myself to draw or paint even if there is no energy left?

I don’t know.

It feels as maybe that is exactly what I need to do.

Despite my classes twice a week I just don’t create. No video, no drawings, no paintings, no guitar. My life last year became work, studies and close people. Is that it? What about that calling within, what about it? How to fit it in? Should I go study art instead of counselling?

Maybe.

But if I would I wouldn’t become an artist in the first place, I wouldn’t face my demons who inspired me but as well were slowly destroying me. I would never make my first exhibition and I would probably struggle to this day to really start doing something with my art. My counselling practice helps me to move forward, uncover yet another layer of myself, because I need to understand, need to know.

Because everything connects to each other, us people in between each other, but as well us within ourselves.

Everything has its purpose, its place. Things connect within each other and within environment, places, seasons, areas, buildings, elements. Everything connects and this connection doesn’t let me not to move forward. Always there is this need to understand or if not understand to at least observe, capture.

Sometimes I wander what exactly am I doing? As my whole life is observing, letting go of, capturing, starting new, moving, living. I guess that’s the whole point. I don’t think that we need to pick up any career or path, we don’t need to become something, label a box where others can fit us in. We just need to live, let the life move us towards the destiny we are supposed to live. It is challenging at first. Trust the life.

But I am realising that the whole experience makes sense.

Years of inspiration exchanged for years of work and responsibilities. We can always decide to change something if it doesn’t serve us anymore. I am slowly changing again finishing one thing in order to start something else connected but different, finding always space for creativity, for art, even if that means only once a week. I need to make sure it is there that the hand practices with brush and chalk, that I process throughout visual art making, that all I do, experience and create becomes a part of the process towards the one or few final pieces. I can feel them within, but I do not know yet what they are going to be. I am getting there though and I know they will emerge one day in this life. I just can’t step off the path I stepped on few years back and I need to keep moving creative way.

June 9, 2022June 9, 2022 by evach1988 Categories: Artistic SoulTags: artist, artistic, artistic journey, artistic path, be creative, create, creative, creativity, deep talk, emerging artist, go deeper, struggling artist Leave a comment

Oh no Christmas is coming. What to get to our loved ones?

Oh no Christmas is coming, what will I get to my family?

I barely earn for living how am I going to afford Christmas this year?´

These were my thoughts last year about this time of the year.

Christmas can be a struggle, when comes to presents for our loved ones. We want them to be useful, meaningful and personal, but sometimes we just run out of ideas. Last year I was fairly worried about Christmas, because I didn´t have much money so there was a limitation what to get them. But I hate giving people staff they don´t need just out of giving them something. I had those experiences when I just had no idea or no money and I usually wanted to dig a hole in the sand and put my head in it when I could feel disappointment in eyes of my loved ones. Maybe it is my fault that they got used to how ´perfect´ and meaningful gifts I always try to give them.

I had to find a way how to make them happy but won´t cost me fortune or better almost nothing as I could barely afford living. Something what I will feel as I found a way how to give them something meaningful as well.

So I dived into memories of conversations we had lately.

What did they say they like or wanted?

My mum was talking about how she struggles to find inspirational pictures for her paintings. Her eye doesn´t let her watch for too long into the computer monitor and she doesn´t know where to find something nice.

There it hit me. I could make her an inspirational book with some pictures which she could draw and paint. I bought blank notepad and few magazines in the charity shop and started looking through them for some nice pictures.

Faces. Nature. Paintings.

Something she could paint and learn from.

Just sticking pictures felt empty. What could I fill it with?

Quotes.

Recently I got an ink and old-fashioned ink pen. Perfect. I can write some meaningful quotes inside and make a book out of it. Very personal book for my mum, that every time she opens it some inspiration comes out for her.

It was very enjoyable creative process, even though it took me very long time to finish it. Finding pictures, drawing some backgrounds, searching and writing quotes according to theme of the pictures…

I guess it will be better seen what I have done in visual.

So if you struggle financially or with ideas what to give to your close people, maybe this can be an inspiration.

It can be a great gift for someone creative you care about. Have a look inside this personal book and maybe it will be inspiration for your Christmas present :).

October 29, 2020 by evach1988 Categories: Artistic SoulTags: artist, Artist beginner, artist in scotland, artistic inspiration, artistic present, artists, artists inspiration, artists life, be creative, christmas, christmas present, creative, creative gift, creative idea, creative life, creative present, gift, homemade, homemade present, inspiration for present, meaningful gift, what to give for christmas, what to give someone, what to give to an artist, what to give to family, what to give to my partner Leave a comment

What is autumn like in Scotland?

It was sunny outside, but as soon I stepped out I knew something is different. The air was cold and had this smell which can only mean one thing.

Autumn is here.

Season which covers land in colourful blanket. Fall as they call it in English. Time when we start getting ready for winter. Summer is gone, but not quite just yet. Last bits of sunshine warm soft light early sunsets. Everything is telling me that inevitable is coming.

Winter.

This is time to enjoy and take in all what is left from warmth and light.

Autumn brought me back to life. With all news and restrictions, I felt somewhat drained and influenced more than I would like to be.

Tired.

I forced myself one day to get to see a sunset here in Edinburgh from the hill Arthur Seat. That was a day everything has changed and finally energies started moving different directions.

I threw my jacket and backpack into the grass set the tripod and filmed the sunset. Suddenly I saw inspiration again I felt as energy is moving inside my body and inspiration is rushing into my mind, into my heart.

Still tired I knew that this is turning point. As I watched the sun fall behind the Calton Hill I just wanted to stay in this moment forever.

Yet I packed all again and made my way towards trees where I left my bike waiting quietly for my arrival. Suddenly my heart skipped and I stopped in silent awww. Large ginger creature crossed my path in most gentle way as the animal can do.

´Fox, ´ crossed my mind.

In split second she was gone in the trees where my bike was waiting. I smiled and stood there for a little while longer.

Was it just a dream or did it just happen?

Many years ago when I moved to Edinburgh I used to see foxes for about a year or two. I didn´t understand it back then, thinking it is just many of them here. Which is true as well, but it was as well time when I changed everything, when I let inspiration lead me where I am supposed to go. It was a time, when I fell in love, when I understood more about life than ever before, when I heard my inner calling the loudest. Time when everything shifted.

That time is here again.

I am finding my inspiration, the feeling that this is it I just need to keep going and find the way how to take this inspiration out there. The fox was always a sign of something changing and new exiting beginnings lieng ahead, even though accompanied with possible pain of letting go of old.

I guess that is exactly time I am entering just now and am more curious then ever what does it have in its cards this time.

That was my beginning of the autumn this year. Shift from sadness to inspiration and excitement. After the day I met the fox and watched the sunset colours started appearing in the trees, leafs would dance in the wind and I would see ideas and inspiration absolutely everywhere. I went to explore the old forest were I would just experience these magical moments of connection with nature. I haven´t explored it all yet. It is going to be even more colourful now.

Come to experience autumn in Scotland with me.

October 5, 2020 by evach1988 Categories: Artistic Soul, Scottish soulTags: artist, artist in scotland, artistic expression, artistic inspiration, artists life, autumn favourite season, autumn in Scotland, autumn inspiration, autumn vibes, experience of Scotland, exploring scotland, how is life in scotland, inspiration, inspiring autumn, living in scotland, scotland, scottish nature, scottish town, traveling journal, travelling artist, travelling scotland, visiting scotland, walking scotland, what is autumn like Leave a comment

Interesting places in Scotland – Cold North Berwick

Little Scottish town on the east coast called North Berwick holds special place in my heart. When you travel there by train you basically end up on the very end of the world because train rails don´t continue anywhere else.

When I have seen these kind of ´ends of the world´ around Scotland for a first time I was fascinated by them, because in Europe there is always somewhere to continue and very rarely you get ´end of the rail´ station.

At least certainly not in Central Europe.

So very first thing one is exposed to is ´end of the world´ train station.

North Berwick is a beautiful place to visit once being in Scotland. It is tiny town with very atmospheric vibe, because on one main street you get a lot of tiny cute coffee shops and galleries, which create cosy feeling that one would love to live exactly here.

Then you pass through few houses and sea opens up in front of you.

Beautiful long beach with view on two islands, which one of them is very iconic ´Bass Rock´. This island happened to be inspiration for many artists who found themselves in Scotland.

When I was just getting to know arty world it was exactly here when I tried painting real outside object into my sketchbook.

It was my birthday and I had wonderful day in this little town.

Thanks to the painting I made (which wasn´t nothing that special yet special for me) I will always remember the feeling of that day.

Sitting on the beach and painting for a fist time with watercolours outside. I felt very anxious, because my skills weren´t very good and I was just very self-aware of my surroundings not wanting anyone to see what I am painting.

Probably here for a first time I have let go of my fears not caring what the outcome will be. There were very little people around and I had pretty much the place for myself.

It was strange feeling as almost connecting with other artists who sat on that beach and painted very same island in the past.

I think that was a time, when I decided to do whatever I can and continue this new journey which somehow happened to be present in my life.

Artistic journey of self- expression buried deep inside and waiting to be found one day. It was almost symbolic and I perceived that day sitting on the beach in North Berwick as a sign for me to continue besides my anxieties and uneasy feelings of self-doubt, comparing and not understanding why was I even brought on the journey with brush in my hand.

Trying to capture the sea, the colours with very limiting skills of someone who doesn´t even know how to paint. But inner drive and need to capture somehow this moment was much stronger than self-doubt about my artistic skills.

Come have a look with me and visit this tiny little Scottish town which is just so special and if you ever are visiting Scotland – North Berwick should be on your list.

September 13, 2020September 14, 2020 by evach1988 Categories: Artistic Soul, Scottish soulTags: #northberwick #scotland #travel #travelling, artist in scotland, artistic, artistic inspiration, artistic journal, artistic journey, artistic practice, artistic progress, collage, exploring scotland, inspiration scotland, living in scotland, northberwick, painting north berwick, scotland, scottish town, travel, travel journal, traveling collage, traveling journal, travelling, travelling artist, travelling collage, travelling journal, travelling scotland, visiting scotland, walking scotland Leave a comment

Exploring Trossachs National Park – Scotland

Last year I made myself a promise that I will explore nature of Scotland much more than I have been doing until now. There have been few years when I just didn´t get much out of Edinburgh for various reasons from luck of money to studies responsibilities or work commitments. Last year was a turning point for me where I realised that nature is the place where I feel the most home. I did few trips either with friends or on my own to highlands, bought some hiking gear and at least few times tried it out.

This year was meant to be year of long distance hikes.

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2020 had a different plan though, first half of the year we were stuck home in our neighbourhoods and when finally, was hiking and wild camping allowed I was coming back to work. So I have started exploring Pentlands close by mountains where I have been so many times since I moved here that they feel as my second home. It is amazing that just half an hour away is whole new world far away from the city.

Pentlands story is for another time though as today I would like to come back in memories when I had a chance to visit Trossachs National Park. Come along with me on the journey…

I was so excited to take my big backpack and just spend few days in Highlands. I didn´t gain enough courage to do wild camping so I thought taking it slowly and just stay in a hostel and do some one day trips around to get to know the area a little because one day I would like to hike 4 days long distance hiking road around here. What I tried was my kitchen equipment if it is actually working and if I am able to get it working.

What I love about solo hiking is that there is an opportunity to take everything in undistracted by other people.

I love nature trips with friends who have a similar way of hiking, but sometimes probably from artistic and inspirational influence I just need to be alone and listen carefully to the silent voice of nature which can get lost in conversations with others.

Very often I am most lucky to get inspiration keep it inside and be able to take it out later when I hike and observe nature on my own. I guess these are two polarities which need to be balanced. Experience nature with others on outside level and then experience it alone on inside level. For me at least one doesn´t go without the other.

Trossachs welcomed me greatly.

It was nice and sunny most of days just when I was leaving and had no more hikes planed it started raining. There is something special about this area.

Mystical forests and plain bold mountains creates just the right contrast.

I love the feeling entering mountains where all you see are mountains for kilometres and kilometres in distance. It makes me feel free and all I would love to do is just run and never stop. Sometimes it almost feels as the body is a limit which gets tired, cold and hungry but deep inside there is this free spirit which longs for freedom of the mountains.

I was stunned by the beauty around here. Not only the village Callendar where I was staying was the most beautiful tiny village with river crossing through and mountains on its backdoor but the whole area resembled something very special.

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As I walked through the forests nature showed me beautiful places and moments where light just played with the colours of trees and I happened to be in the right moment in the right place to enjoy it.

Few seconds later the moment passed and I stood there grateful for being showed such a beauty.

I guess that´s where is the believe in forest creatures who protect and guard the land is coming from, because this kind of moments and encounters are way too special to be merely coincidence. And I do love keeping this child like part full of imagination present inside of me.

Trossachs and Callander are on my future bucket list once again because this time I got a tiny glimpse of the beauty of this Mountain range. On the way back I have visited Doune Castle which is very special place as well. Maybe you got to know it from Outlander series or Monty Python and Holy Grale. Castle was under reconstruction so I didn´t get to see it in its full beauty yet still the magnificence of the place and secretes hidden in the castle walls were still present.

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I loved creating the collage once I got back home where I used my sketches from the trip and kept the feeling these mountains gave me forever – to see how it worked out watch the video above.

Have you ever visited Trossachs National Park in Scotland or would you like to? What was your experience? Is nature your inspiration as well?

August 30, 2020August 30, 2020 by evach1988 Categories: Artistic Soul, Scottish soulTags: castle, doune castle, experience of Scotland, exploring scotland, hiking, hiking mountains, hiking national park, hiking scotland, hiking trip, living in scotland, mountains, national park, new experience, scotland, scottish highlands, scottish nature, scottish town, solo hiking, solo woman hiking, travel, travel journal, travelling, travelling scotland, trip, trossachs, visiting scotland, walking, walking scotland, woman hiking 2 Comments

Scotland – artists inspiration

Sometimes we happen to be in place we haven´t maybe even indented to be. Once a friend told me that Edinburgh or even Scotland is calling its people. I have heard so many stories of people who happened to come to Edinburgh not knowing why they came just they felt that´s the place they need to go to.

I haven´t really intended coming here it was more of an only option back then and I would probably choose completely different destination, but life made it the way that I appeared here. Slowly I have started to understand that this is a place where I am going to be for quite some time and that it will mean a lot to me.

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I often wondered why Edinburgh, why Scotland as either was a place I would ever see myself belonging. Yet it happened to be right place for my upcoming path which grew tall in my heart and became my second home. I even learned that I must have lived here before (if you believe in past lives). It feels as I have already lived a lifetime looking back to over a decade of my adult life. So many experiences and so many things shaped who I am today.

Here I found sanctuary, safe place to find my true calling but as well a lot of pain and heartbreak. Here I experienced the wildest emotional shifts to face almost every single bit of my personality bits I didn’t want to face or would of like. That is part of the journey though isn´t it? Without everything we experience we wouldn´t be who we are today.

It took me years to find confidence and understand that art is the only path I can take, only title I am comfortable with and only thing I would truly like to keep throughout my life. I can do and probably will do many other jobs but even if it´s meant to be for sake of taking out things which inspired me and they won´t go nowhere else than on this blog that is enough and I feel as I followed that inner calling.

Today I am on artistic journey.

The place where I live is full of inspiration which I just would love to take in and out for others to enjoy. In reality every place is full of inspiration and as long I can remember I could always see it everywhere. I still don´t always know how to take it out but that´s the beauty of the process.

I live in the city yet I am mostly inspired by nature. There is no option for me at the moment to live anywhere else or closer to the nature where I hear my true calling, so rather than soak myself in the pity of it, I have decided to take inspiration from where I am at. By slow baby steps I am getting closer.

Apart of painting and drawing I have started creating videos about my inspiration not only for art but to live creative life because I believe we all are artists in some way we just need to allow ourselves to see it within us.

It is only a beginning of things which inspire me here in Scotland but I tried to grasp a tiny bit. I am still learning to really understand video making and the technology I have doesn´t allow me to truly make it the way I´d like it to be, but baby steps.

Let me bring you small part of the beauty I see and was blessed to enjoy.

August 8, 2020August 10, 2020 by evach1988 Categories: Artistic Soul, Scottish soulTags: art, art inspiration, art journal, artist, Artist beginner, artist in scotland, artistic, artistic progress, artists, artists inspiration, artists life, exploring scotland, hiking scotland, inspiration, living in scotland, nature, scotland, scottish nature, scottish town, travelling scotland, visiting scotland, walking scotland Leave a comment

Artists inspiration during midsummer day 2020

It is not long from midsummer day. Every year even if I forget it somehow comes to my awareness. This year wasn´t different.

I was moving flat which took a lot of my attention. Around 24st of June I started to be fulfilled with this new strange energy. It is every year around this time I feel as everything renew itself.

I moved a flat so obviously things started to be new I basically am starting over, but there was something else into it. I felt this deep connection to something inside of me.

Forgotten.

As I was looking for few things into the flat I don´t even know how suddenly I ended up on the e-shop of one talented artist. She creats these beautiful symbolic goddesses and seeing those pictures I just fell in love.

There was so much symbolism which just was so deeply talking to me connecting with this part of me I have forgotten about. Each goddess would represent certain aspect of mostly womanhood.

I spent hours just reading about them and connecting with this mythical symbolism.

At the end I ended up ordering few pictures after thorough consideration which ones are for me. Those pictures just created certain frame in which I finally saw myself and woman in general. I felt a wave of inspiration a hope that these little women who got such a huge responsibility to carry human’s desires and dreams, bringing them to their own self will remind me of my own path. Journey towards never ending inspiration and understanding which is deep inside of each of us.

Once again I heard calling of the nature because not only one goddess was connected to nature and wild animals. This calling is deep and different to anything I have ever experienced before.

Art (in different forms) and nature.

Only two things which made complete sense throughout my whole life. Every midsummer day directly or no directly is reminding me of this calling so strongly that is impossible not to listen.

So I created this little video about goddesses which came into my life during midsummer time of 2020. Enjoy! :)

July 13, 2020July 23, 2020 by evach1988 Categories: Artistic SoulTags: arist on the journey, art, art inspiration, artist, artists inspiration, artists life, connection, creativity, get inspiration, inspiration, inspiration scotland, inspirational, inspiring process, journal, life, motivation, nature, purpose, self-thought artist, understanding Leave a comment

How to start pursuing your passion.

There is plenty of guidance how to pursue your passion, but what I found to be most difficult from my own experience is to figure out what it actually is.

I always knew I love creative staff I did theatre for some time, played guitar, danced always was doing something creative for my family and friends, but for a long time I didn’t really know that´s actually what fulfils me the most.

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April 18, 2020 by evach1988 Categories: Artistic Soul, Life growing soulTags: art, creative, diary, dreams, feelings, inspiration, journal, life, life lessons, meaning, motivation, music, passion, purpose, thoughts, understanding Leave a comment

How to boost creative process?

Recently I came across with interesting advice (precisely it was at the channel of this guy), which is ´draw the same thing every day for one year´

It felt resonating. Go have a look for the close explanation, but basically what you need to do is pick one object and draw it every day. Not only your technique will improve this way, but your brain gets used to inspirational process.

Why only one?

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